Over the last couple of years i have seen several women take theyre so called husbands to the cleaners.. my old landlord lost 4 houses a lot of his income and nearly his kids to a woman that was on marriage number 3. Which for most may have already rang alarm bells that there is something wrong. It was a bitter court battle where he paid for both legal teams and was literally robbed of 20 years of a rental portfolio. So when people say it wont happen to me after you warn them that something doesnt seem right it does make you wonder how many people are like this out there.
There was a case of someone in the process of organising paperwork for immigration for his girlfriend (soon to be wife) to go to the U.S. after she lied about a robbery and the threads of her facts suddenly started to fall apart at the seams. The apartment she was renting after being thrown out of a previous one for no rent was a lie, infact several foreigners were paying for that apartment in Cebu all unaware she was scamming each one of them for rent and an allowance each month. Medical expenses for parents infact the bleeding heart story just ran and ran, even after she was found out to be a fraud and pushed the “i really love you” and to someone who was looking for a line to draw them back together that could have been it. But luckily enough the guy woke up and moved on. But these are but a small example of what goes on with international relationships where you arent always around.
A work mate of mine a long time ago was working in Russia met a girl and then brought her to the U.K. to visit. He fell for her 110% they married before she returned (the visa process was a lot easier then) and that was it she became his wife.. he slept on the sofa while she slept in his bed.. (lets wind that back a bit?) yes he slept on the sofa and when they went out she would tell people how ugly her husband was.. now im not one to complain too much but i would have stuck her back on the next flight to Russia and divorced before she had chance to become a citizen of the UK. But where they are now you can probably guess and it isnt happily married..
So how do you spot things before your wallet is emptied. Well i can only offer real experience from the Philippines but you can probably relate some of the facts to other locations. Firstly the woman you have met have you really met or only on the telephone and internet. Scamming is a way of life and you will be surprised how convincing people can be. Does she make excuses why she is unavailable at certain times of the day especially if you know she isnt working. Does she keep a lot of personal details private such as work locations, where she lives etc. This is fine at the start of a relationship but if shes asking you for money she is already crossing the line from friendship. Poverty is in the Philippines and always has been dont think that you MUST send money because quite simply you dont she may even respect you more if you send nothing. Most filipinas are embarressed to ask for money and find it shameful if she is going straight for gold its likely the time to close your window and block the user and move on.
Dont trust everything she says, there are several reasons for this :-
- She maybe lying to gain money from you.
- She maybe lying because of pressure from relatives.
- Filipinos have a habit of going round the truth and not getting to the point so you need to sometimes push for the real answer to a question. This is mainly due to the fact filipinos hate confrontation.
Is the webcam off a lot, maybe you get excuses like its broken. Truth is its probably off because she is talking to several guys just like you at the same time. I can talk to 6 people in chats at the same time and you wouldnt spot a delay. A scammer does this everyday and is likely to be faster at typing than me and makes a good living from this. Sometimes you may get a slip up in conversation where she has typed in the wrong window this would be a good time to think there is something seriously wrong.
If you visit the Philippines dont spend money like your in Vegas! There are a lot of reasons for this :-
- Start as you mean to go on.. doing it now will be expected every visit.
- You hardly know these people you dont go to a bar and buy everyone drinks when your at home do you?
- Rent dont buy.. If you need to get property in the Philippines find a cheap rented apartment or small house. If your girlfriend is genuine she will be greatful that you are taking care of her and NOT expect a big house and a new 4×4 on the drive.
- Dont trust what people say. This is very complicated and once you experience it you will understand most filipinos never tell you either all the story or any of the story half the time until its too late. So simply trust no one unless you can prove the word yourself.
- Dont setup a business the people around you even if they had a business before why did it go bankrupt or close? Give it at least 6 months before thinking of opening a business with your partners relations.
- Be thrifty. Ive started doing this myself, as i like to say if you give something its a gift if someone takes it its expected. You will find many expats everytime they go out regardless of who invites who they are normally stuck with the bill for everyones food and drinks. Simply stop it before it starts.
- Golden rule for most people who are semi or full expats is never live in the family compound i found out personally the hard way which has left me out of pocket of a lot of money.
- Live in your own bubble where possible. If you have rented a house/apartment keep within a reasonable distance of your wifes family but not close enough for people to know too much about what you get upto.
The above pointers may help you at least cut down on problems within relations and find out if the woman that lives with you or at least part of your life is genuine. There are a lot of genuine women in the Philippines more than happy to have a wonderful guy in theyre lifes but the internet is still out of the reach of a lot of the population and those making livings from the theft of money via scamming will be online 24/7. My best advice is always visit and never send money unless you really do know where it is going and if something feels wrong then it probably is.
There is a peace of mind option which i can organise here within the Philippines which is a private investigation which will cost a lot less than you think. Most scammers are pushing for $100s each month so investing from $100 upwards to find out is she really who she says she is is not only a good investment but it can be done discreetly to protect your privacy and giving you peace of mind. Ive been through it myself and well aware of the heartache and stress things can put you under. You simply dont deserve to be treated that way… if you want my help just email me at mattwilkie@tropicalpenpals.com
